Thankful.

We just got back from a weekend that normally feels alarmingly short - running from delicious dinner to delicious dinner, from family to family to family. But this weekend actually stretched out in front of us. Andy and I were determined not to be stressed this weekend. We filled our weekend, but didn't overstuff our weekend.... (Wish I could say the same for my belly!) This is a first for us.

And the kids seem to be in a fairly blissful state of contentedness. The aforementioned "determination" of Maren has been replaced with a delightful and sudden flexibility, and she keeps randomly hugging me saying "I love you, Mommy." She actually said to me on Thanksgiving, "I am thankful for you, Mommy." Needless to say, I have teared up several times in the middle of these moments because I just want to hold on to them so tightly. And although Luke is in a phase of screaming everything that comes out of his mouth, he's usually screaming pretty adorable things, so he manages to win us over.

We are blessed, and I am especially aware of that right now. What makes this thankfulness real is that there are lots of tough things swarming around us right now. My dad got laid off last week - after 25 years in his job. After seeing his small publishing company become a huge corporate conglomeration in the past few years, this may actually be a blessing. But, wow, it's hard to watch your parents struggle. And it seems so very unfair. He deserved to be ushered out with a big 'ol party, not with such a brutal cutting-off. And YF, for the first time, is also laying people off - another brutal cutting-off that is going to shake our happy little office. My cousin got laid-off... and so many of her (recently college graduate) friends are in the same boat that they've decided to have an "unemployment" party to keep their chins up. And, although I keep trying to pretend it will never happen, my Grandpa (who survived WWII) is likely nearing the end of his long and incredible life. The cabin roof needs repairing; our transmission went out; healthcare premiums are going up... Some of it's completely inane (some of it isn't), but the whole of it together feels like this swarm... and of course, everyone I know has stories much the same as these.

I, for one, have never experienced anything quite like this - especially the economy. There's such a real sense of fragility. It wakes you up a bit. The truth is, of course, that the whole of life is fragile, but who wants to live like that day-in and day-out? It's exhausting. Most of us work hard to maintain what we know to be normal in an effort to cheat what we can't control. Way too many of us are 1 bad dentist appointment away from not paying some bills. And there's just no room for life's fragility when there are so many things to do...

So these are the times when we hold on tight to each other - to those moments that make us stop and be thankful - to what is outside the to-do list. So I am personally looking forward to the next few weeks that are normally such a blur. I want to take with me the lesson from these past few days... to just settle in and feel thankful for the now, letting it all - whatever is swarming around - stretch out in front of us.